Friendsgiving: how to host it without the stress

What is Friendsgiving?

Friendsgiving is a Thanksgiving-style dinner with friends. The word is a mix of "friends" and "Thanksgiving", and Merriam-Webster traces its first known use to 2007. The idea is older than the word, of course. People who couldn't fly home, didn't want to or didn't have a family table to go to have always cooked a turkey together with whoever was around.

Today it's a tradition of its own. For some groups it replaces the family dinner. For many more, it's a second celebration in the week before, with the people they see every other weekend of the year. The tone is looser than at the family table: no seating chart with the aunt you avoid, more experiments in the kitchen and usually a game or two after dessert.

It's mostly a US tradition, but Canadians celebrate Friendsgiving too (a month earlier) and it has spread to places without a Thanksgiving holiday. In the UK, Ireland and Australia you'll find expats, students and curious friend groups doing it in late November, simply because a big autumn dinner with friends is a good idea anywhere.

When is Friendsgiving?

There's no official date. Most groups pick the weekend before Thanksgiving, because the holiday itself belongs to family travel. That means the date depends on which Thanksgiving you celebrate. US Thanksgiving is always the fourth Thursday in November, Canadian Thanksgiving the second Monday in October.

Other dates that work well:

• The Tuesday or Wednesday before Thanksgiving, if most of your friends fly out Wednesday night or Thursday morning.
• The Friday or Saturday after, as a leftovers party: everyone brings what's left from the family dinner.
• Earlier in November, if your group is spread across cities and needs a weekend nobody is traveling.
• In Canada, the weekend before or the Thanksgiving long weekend itself, since many families eat their big dinner on the Saturday or Sunday.
• Without a Thanksgiving holiday (UK, Australia and elsewhere), any Saturday in late November. Many groups pick the one closest to US Thanksgiving for the fun of it.

The real question isn't the calendar, it's when your people are free. In November that's harder than it sounds: work trips, family visits, the first holiday parties. Ask early and ask everyone at once.

psst … this makes it easier

Find the day that works for everyone

• Create a poll and drop the link in the group chat
• Everyone taps the days they're free and the best one shows up instantly
• Free, no account, no app

Create a poll

When is everyone free?MTWTFSS891011121314🎉Best day foundeveryone can make it ✓

How to host Friendsgiving, step by step

1. Pick the date three to four weeks ahead. Send a quick poll with two or three weekend options and go with the one most people can make.
2. Decide how many people fit. Count chairs, not friends. Eight to twelve is the sweet spot for one table and one oven. More than that works as a buffet with people sitting on the couch and floor.
3. Choose the format. Classic: you cook the main, everyone brings a dish. Full potluck: you only provide the table, plates and drinks. All in: you cook and guests bring wine and dessert. Say which one in the invitation.
4. Send the invitation with date, time, address, the format and a link or list for the potluck sign-up. Our Friendsgiving invitation wording has samples to copy.
5. Collect dietary needs. Vegetarian, vegan, gluten-free, nut allergies. Ask once, write it down, share it with whoever brings dishes.
6. Plan the space. Extra chairs, a side table for the buffet, room in the fridge for drinks, a spot for coats. Borrow folding chairs a week before, not the morning of.
7. Make a day-of schedule working backwards from when you want to eat (see the timeline below).
8. Plan the after-dinner part. A game, a pie contest or a gratitude round. Ideas are in our Friendsgiving ideas, games and themes.

Tip: Set the eating time one hour later than you think. Turkeys rest, guests arrive late and someone always needs the oven for ten more minutes. If you say "dinner at 5", plan for 6.

How to run a Friendsgiving potluck that works

A Friendsgiving potluck goes wrong in two ways: six people bring dessert and nobody brings vegetables, or everyone arrives needing the oven at the same time. A short sign-up list fixes both.

A sign-up list for 12 guests

The supplies slot is perfect for the friend who doesn't cook. Someone who brings ice and leftover containers is a hero by 9 pm.

Five potluck rules that save the evening

• Bring it ready to serve. Cooked, in its own serving dish, with its own spoon. Ask guests to choose dishes that taste fine warm or at room temperature.
• Oven slots by request only. If something needs reheating, they tell you in advance. Most hosts have room for one or two dishes, not six.
• Label the dish. A small card with the name and "contains nuts", "vegan" or "gluten-free" helps everyone with dietary needs.
• Say how many it should feed. "Enough for 10 small portions" prevents both a tiny bowl and a bucket.
• Containers for leftovers. Ask everyone to bring one, or have a stack ready.

Potluck sign-up message

🦃 Friendsgiving potluck sign-up!

I've got the turkey, gravy and drinks. Please add your name next to one dish:

Vegetarian main:
Mashed potatoes:
Sweet potatoes or mac and cheese:
Stuffing:
Green vegetable:
Salad:
Rolls and cranberry sauce:
Pie #1:
Pie #2:
Ice, napkins and containers:

Bring it ready to serve with a serving spoon. If it needs the oven, tell me so I can plan the slots. 🧡

Copy

A Friendsgiving menu that fits one oven

A good Friendsgiving menu is smaller than the family version and has more room for favorites. You don't need every classic. One main, a handful of sides, two desserts.

The main

• A whole turkey for 10 or more. Plan roughly 1 to 1.5 pounds of whole bird per person, a little more if you want leftovers.
• A turkey breast or two for smaller groups. Faster, easier to carve and no frozen bird taking up the fridge for days.
• Spatchcocked turkey (flattened, backbone removed) cooks much faster and more evenly. A good trick for apartment ovens.
• Not turkey at all: a ham, roast chicken, braised short ribs or a big pot of something. It's Friendsgiving, nobody's checking.
• Vegetarian main: stuffed acorn squash, a mushroom wellington or a lentil and vegetable pie, sized like a real main dish so vegetarians aren't left with sides.

Tip: A frozen turkey needs about one day in the fridge for every 4 to 5 pounds to thaw, so a 16 pound bird needs three to four days. Take it out of the freezer early. Cook poultry to an internal temperature of 165°F (74°C) and use a thermometer, not a guess.

Sides

Pick four to six, with at least one green thing: mashed potatoes, stuffing or dressing, gravy, cranberry sauce, green bean casserole or roasted green beans, mac and cheese, sweet potato casserole, roasted root vegetables, Brussels sprouts with bacon, cornbread or rolls, a crunchy fall salad with apple and pecans.

Dessert and drinks

Pumpkin pie and one other pie cover most groups. Apple crumble, pecan pie or a cheesecake work well, and in Canada butter tarts are a lovely addition. For drinks, one signature drink saves the host: a big batch of spiced cider (with and without rum), a cranberry punch or a pitcher of sangria with apples and cinnamon. Add water and something sparkling without alcohol.

Sample menu for 8 people

Friendsgiving timeline: from first message to leftovers

Friendsgiving etiquette for hosts and guests

A few unwritten rules make the evening fair for everyone.

• Hosts: say clearly what you provide and what you need. If you're asking people to chip in for the turkey, mention it in the invite instead of afterwards.
• Guests: bring what you signed up for, in the amount you promised. A store-bought pie is fine, just say so in the group chat.
• Arrive roughly on time. A potluck doesn't work if half the sides turn up after the turkey is carved.
• Ask before bringing a plus-one. Seats and portions are counted.
• Help clean up. The host cooked for hours. Fifteen minutes of dishes from everyone and it's done.
• Thank the host the next day. One message with a photo from the evening goes a long way.

Once Friendsgiving is done, December is already knocking. If your group wants to keep the momentum, our Christmas party ideas and Secret Santa guide are the next step. More guides in Planning.

Frequently asked questions