Questions to ask on a first date: 100 good ones (and how to ask them)

How to use this list (and not sound like a quiz show)

Nobody wants to be interviewed over a drink. These questions work best as starting points: you ask one, listen properly and then talk about whatever comes up. A good question to ask on a first date is one you're curious about yourself. If you don't care about the answer, it shows.

Pick four or five that sound like you and remember them. Don't read them off your phone. Start light, wait until things feel relaxed for the flirty ones and keep the deeper ones for when you've been talking for a while. If you only need a quick shortlist, jump to the 20 best first date questions.

Most questions here work for anyone. The sections for guys and girls exist because people look for them, not because men and women need different questions.

Fun icebreakers for the first few minutes

The first minutes are the most awkward ones. Light questions take the pressure off and quickly show you whether you share a sense of humor.

1. What's the best thing that happened to you this week?
2. What's a hobby you got really into for exactly one month?
3. Which app on your phone do you use way more than you'd like to admit?
4. What's your go-to karaoke song, even if you'd never actually sing it?
5. If your friends described you in three words, what would they say?
6. What's the most useless talent you have?
7. What's a small thing that instantly puts you in a good mood?
8. Are you a planner or more of a “let's see what happens” person?
9. What's the last thing you got genuinely excited about?
10. What's an unpopular opinion you'll defend to the end?
11. Which fictional character do you think you'd get along with?
12. What's the best concert or live show you've ever been to?

Tip: Answer number 6 yourself before you ask it. A slightly ridiculous talent (whistling with your fingers, naming every state capital) makes it easy for the other person to share theirs.

Questions about life, work and everyday stuff

“So, what do you do?” is the most common first date question and usually the least interesting one. These versions get you past the job title to what someone's days actually look like.

13. What does a normal weekday look like for you?
14. What do you actually enjoy about your job (or your studies)?
15. If you didn't have to work for a year, how would you spend it?
16. What's something you're learning right now?
17. How did you end up living where you live?
18. What does your ideal Sunday look like?
19. Who in your life makes you laugh the most?
20. What's something you're surprisingly good at?
21. What's a skill you wish they'd taught in school?
22. Do you have a morning routine, or is every morning chaos?

Travel questions

Travel questions are great because they come with stories: places, mishaps, food, people. And if you both light up about the same place, you've got your second date idea.

23. What's the best trip you've ever taken?
24. Beach, city or mountains for a week off?
25. Where's the next place you really want to go?
26. Which place completely surprised you?
27. Window seat or aisle seat, and why?
28. What's a travel disaster that's funny now?
29. What's a souvenir you still keep?
30. If you could live in another country for a year, where would you pick?

Food questions

You're probably sitting in front of food or drinks anyway, so this is the easiest topic in the world. It also tells you a lot about someone: adventurous or loyal to their favorites, home cook or takeout pro.

31. What's the best thing you've ever eaten?
32. Do you have a signature dish?
33. Which food does everyone love that you just don't get?
34. What's your favorite place to eat around here?
35. Sweet breakfast or savory breakfast?
36. What did your family always eat on special occasions?
37. Pineapple on pizza: yes or absolutely not?
38. What's a food you hated as a kid but love now?

Tip: Question 34 is secretly useful. Whatever they answer is a ready-made idea for date number two. More of those in our first date ideas.

Questions about childhood and growing up

Childhood questions feel personal without being heavy. Keep it playful: nicknames, cartoons and birthday parties, not family drama.

39. What were you like as a kid?
40. What did you want to be when you grew up?
41. What was your favorite cartoon or TV show growing up?
42. Did you have a nickname as a kid, and where did it come from?
43. What's a family tradition you still love?
44. What was the best birthday party you had as a kid?
45. Were you the kid who got in trouble or the one who never did?
46. What's a smell or song that takes you straight back to being ten?

Questions about dreams and plans

These are lighter than “Where do you see yourself in five years?” and much more fun to answer. They show you what someone is excited about.

47. What's something on your bucket list that might surprise people?
48. Is there a goal you're working toward right now?
49. If money and time were no issue, what would you do next year?
50. What's a skill you'd love to master in the next few years?
51. Where would you like to live someday?
52. What's a dream you had once and let go of?
53. What would a perfect day look like for you ten years from now?
54. What's one thing you want to try before the end of this year?

Flirty first date questions (but respectful)

A little flirting tells the other person you're interested. Keep it playful and read the room: if they laugh and play along, great. If they go quiet, switch back to something lighter. Nothing here should make anyone uncomfortable.

55. What made you say yes to this date?
56. What's the best date you've ever been on (not counting this one, obviously)?
57. What's the most romantic thing someone has done for you?
58. Do you believe in chemistry at first sight, or does it grow over time?
59. What's something that instantly makes someone more attractive to you?
60. Do you know your love language?
61. Are you a good dancer, or should I lower my expectations?
62. What's the cheesiest pickup line that ever actually worked on you?
63. What would make this date a ten out of ten?
64. Be honest: what did you think when you first saw me today?

A few deeper questions for later in the evening

When the conversation flows and you've both relaxed, one or two deeper questions can turn a nice evening into a memorable one. Share your own answer too, so it doesn't feel one-sided. For a lot more, see our list of deep questions.

65. What's something you've changed your mind about in the last few years?
66. What are you most proud of that isn't on your résumé?
67. What does a good friendship look like to you?
68. What's the best advice anyone ever gave you?
69. What's something you're grateful for right now?
70. Who has had the biggest influence on who you are today?
71. What does home mean to you?
72. Is there a cause or topic you care a lot about?

Questions to ask a guy on a first date

Lots of guys are used to being asked what they do and where they're from. Ask about what they enjoy instead, and you'll often get a far more open answer. Avoid anything that sounds like a test.

73. What's something you're really nerdy about?
74. Who's your closest friend, and how did you meet?
75. What's the last thing that made you laugh out loud?
76. What's a compliment you got years ago and still think about?
77. Which movie could you watch over and over?
78. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
79. How do you usually unwind after a long week?
80. What's something people usually get wrong about you?

Questions to ask a girl on a first date

Same idea: curious, specific and about her, not about her looks. These work just as well for anyone else you're meeting.

81. What's a book, show or podcast you'd recommend to everyone right now?
82. What's the best gift you've ever received?
83. What's a little luxury you never skip?
84. Which place in this city feels the most like “you”?
85. What's a tradition you'd love to start one day?
86. Who would play you in a movie about your life?
87. What's something you were nervous to do but are really glad you did?
88. What's the story behind your favorite piece of clothing or jewelry?

Quick-fire round

Short questions with short answers. Great when there's a lull, while you're walking somewhere or as a game: you both answer at the same time on the count of three.

89. Cats, dogs or neither?
90. Early bird or night owl?
91. Coffee or tea?
92. Favorite season?
93. Last song you listened to?
94. Books or podcasts?
95. Favorite emoji?
96. Texting or calling?
97. Best movie you saw this year?
98. Spicy food: love it or avoid it?
99. Sunrise or sunset?
100. What's the one question you wish people asked you more often?

If you both enjoy the quick-fire format, keep going with our this or that questions.

The 20 best questions to ask on a first date

Short on time or nervous and want a cheat sheet? These 20 cover a bit of everything and work for almost any first date. The numbers refer to the list above.

Question 34 near the end of the date is a smooth way to hint at a second one: if they name a place, you can say you'd like to try it together.

The 21 questions game explained

The 21 questions game is a simple way to get to know someone, especially if the conversation feels a bit stiff. There's no official rulebook, but this version works well on a date:

1. Take turns. One of you asks a question, then you both answer it.
2. Stop after 21 questions in total (so roughly ten each, plus a bonus question for whoever goes first).
3. Everyone gets two passes for questions they'd rather skip. No explanation needed.
4. The only real rule: answer honestly.
5. Start light and go a little deeper as you go. Save the flirty ones for the second half.

Need a ready-made round? Try 2, 6, 10, 11, 13, 20, 25, 33, 39, 42, 45, 49, 57, 58, 62, 66, 69, 75, 86, 100 and finish with a question of your own.

The game works over text too. You send a question, they answer and ask you one back. It's a fun way to keep things going between the first and second date. If you want to keep chatting afterwards, here's what to text after a first date.

For the next dateTurn your questions into a “How well do you know me?” invite›

How to ask without it feeling like an interview

The difference between a great conversation and an awkward Q&A is not the questions. It's what you do between them.

• Ask open questions. “Do you like your job?” gets a yes or no. “What do you like about your job?” gets a story.
• Follow up before you move on. “Wait, how did that happen?” or “What was that like?” shows you're listening. One good follow-up is worth five new questions.
• Answer your own questions. After they answer, share yours. That turns a question into an exchange.
• Use what you already know. Something from their profile or your messages (“You mentioned you've been to Portugal, how was it?”) feels personal and attentive.
• Don't fear a pause. A few seconds of quiet is normal. Take a sip, look around, comment on something you see.
• Match their depth. If they keep things light, so do you. If they open up, you can too.

Tip: If you catch yourself asking three questions in a row, stop and tell a short story instead. Something that happened to you this week is enough. For more ideas, see our first date conversation topics.

Questions to skip on a first date

Some questions aren't wrong forever, just too early. On a first date they tend to feel like pressure or a background check.

• Detailed questions about their ex or why it ended
• How much they earn or what their rent is
• “Why are you still single?”
• Exact plans and timelines for marriage or kids
• Questions about health, weight or anything about their body
• Political or religious debates (talking about what matters to them is fine, arguing isn't)

More things to avoid are in our guide to first date mistakes, and if you're still nervous, these first date tips help.

Liked the answers? Ask for date number two

If the conversation was good, you probably learned what they love: a food, a place, a show, a song. Use it. A second date invite that picks up on something they said shows you were listening, which is the best compliment you can give after a first date.

psst … this makes it easier

Turn your idea into an invite

• Scratch card, spin the wheel, quiz or secret code
• Your date picks the day and the food right away
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