How to play this or that (the two-minute version)
You don't need cards or an app. One of you reads two options, you both pick and then you each explain your pick in a sentence. That last part matters most: “Mountains” is an answer, “Mountains, because my grandpa took me fishing every summer” is a conversation.
- Answer at the same time. Count to three and say it together. It's funnier and nobody copies the other.
- No wrong answers. Teasing is fine, judging isn't.
- One pass each round. If a pick feels too personal, skip it without explaining.
- Take turns reading. Whoever reads also picks the next category.
The questions below are sorted by vibe. Start with the first date set, move to food or travel once you're warm and keep the romantic ones for later. For open questions instead of picks, see our questions to ask on a first date.
Easy this or that questions for a first date
These are safe for the first twenty minutes. They're light, quick and each one gives you something to follow up on.
- Diner or food truck?
- Arcade or bowling alley?
- Rom-com or thriller?
- Board games or video games?
- Farmers market or flea market?
- Rooftop bar or cozy pub?
- Handwritten note or voice memo?
- Comedy show or live music?
- Aquarium or zoo?
- Bike or scooter?
- Crossword or sudoku?
- Photos on your phone: organized albums or 20,000 unsorted pictures?
- Thrift store or mall?
- Sneakers or boots?
- Small talk with strangers: love it or avoid it?
- Escape room or mini golf?
- Hot sauce collection or spice rack?
- Sit at the bar or get a table?
- Notes app lists or paper lists?
- Indoor plants: thriving jungle or one sad cactus?
Tip: Pick one or two of these as a date plan reveal. If you both say “escape room”, you've just found your second date. More inspiration in our ideas for early dates.
Food and drink this or that
You're probably sitting in front of a menu anyway. Food picks are easy, a bit competitive and surprisingly revealing.
- Tacos or burgers?
- Fries or onion rings?
- Sushi or ramen?
- Pancakes or waffles?
- Ice cream cone or cup?
- Chocolate or vanilla?
- Popcorn: salty or sweet?
- Bagel or croissant?
- Iced coffee in winter: yes or never?
- Cook at home or order in?
- Thin crust or deep dish?
- Ketchup or mustard?
- Brunch or late-night snack?
- Cereal before milk or milk before cereal?
- Leftovers cold or reheated?
Travel and weekend this or that
These tell you how someone likes to spend free time: planned or spontaneous, busy or slow, social or quiet.
- Road trip or flight?
- Camping or hotel?
- Pack light or pack for every possible scenario?
- Itinerary or wander around?
- Hostel or Airbnb?
- Theme park or national park?
- Lake or ocean?
- Road trip playlist or podcast?
- Museum or street food tour?
- Sleep in on vacation or set an alarm to see everything?
- Train ride with a view or quick flight?
- Souvenir shop or local grocery store?
- Friday night out or Friday night in?
- Lazy Sunday or productive Sunday?
- Snow day or heat wave?
Funny this or that questions
These are for when you're both laughing already. They're a little silly on purpose, and they usually start the best debates of the night.
- Be able to talk to animals or speak every language?
- Always be ten minutes early or always be five minutes late?
- Have a rewind button or a pause button for your life?
- Pirate or ninja?
- Free coffee for life or free pizza for life?
- Socks with sandals or wet socks?
- Elevator small talk or taking the stairs to avoid it?
- Reply-all disaster or accidental voice note?
- Haunted house or horror movie marathon?
- Know every lyric or never forget a face?
- Robot butler or teleporter?
- Laugh at your own jokes or never laugh at all?
- Dinosaurs or dragons?
- Your search history read out loud or your camera roll on a big screen?
- Win an argument or win a game?
Movies, music and pop culture
Pop culture picks are a shortcut to shared taste. If you both pick the same thing three times in a row, there's your movie night.
- Book first or movie first?
- Binge a whole season or one episode a week?
- Subtitles on or off?
- Vinyl or streaming?
- Marvel or DC?
- Reality TV or documentaries?
- Headphones or speakers?
- Cartoons from your childhood or today's animated movies?
- Front row at a concert or somewhere you can actually breathe?
- Spoilers: tell me everything or don't you dare?
This or that questions for couples
Once you know each other a bit, these picks are about everyday life together. They're great for a cozy evening in, a long drive or a game of “I bet I know what you'll say”.
- Breakfast in bed or breakfast out?
- Big birthday party or small dinner?
- Surprise gifts or a wish list?
- Matching pajamas: adorable or never?
- Do the dishes right away or tomorrow morning?
- Thermostat: warm or cool?
- Share one dessert or order two?
- Decorate for the holidays early or last minute?
- Grocery list or shop by instinct?
- Side of the bed: near the door or near the window?
- Couples costume or separate costumes?
- Assemble furniture together or never again?
- Plan date night or be surprised?
Tip: Turn it into a guessing game: one person picks secretly, the other guesses. Every right guess is a point. Whoever loses chooses the next takeout.
Romantic this or that questions
Save these for later in the evening, when it feels relaxed. They're a bit flirty, never pushy. If the other person laughs and plays along, keep going.
- Slow dance or dance party?
- Love letter or love song?
- Candlelight dinner or picnic under the stars?
- Holding hands or arm around the shoulder?
- Big romantic gesture or small daily ones?
- Kiss in the rain or kiss at midnight on New Year's?
- Pet names or real names?
- Cheesy movie night or fancy night out?
- Sunset walk or stargazing?
- Spontaneous weekend trip or long-planned vacation?
- Flowers or snacks as a gift?
- First date nerves or second date butterflies?
Would you rather questions for a date
Would you rather questions take a little longer to answer than this or that, because they're hypothetical and often slightly absurd. That's the point: the reasoning is where the fun is. The first ten are great for a first date, the rest work better once you know each other.
For a first date
- Would you rather only eat breakfast food or never eat breakfast food again?
- Would you rather have a personal chef or a personal driver?
- Would you rather always know when someone is lying or always get away with lying?
- Would you rather live in the city of your favorite movie or the world of your favorite book?
- Would you rather be famous for something embarrassing or unknown for something amazing?
- Would you rather have a theme song play every time you walk into a room or a slow-motion effect every time you leave?
- Would you rather give up music or give up movies for a year?
- Would you rather be stuck in an elevator with your boss or with your ex's best friend?
- Would you rather have a dog that talks or a cat that does your taxes?
- Would you rather go back in time to meet an ancestor or forward in time to meet a great-grandchild?
Would you rather questions for couples
- Would you rather have a perfectly clean home or a perfectly stocked fridge?
- Would you rather relive our first date or skip ahead to a trip we haven't taken yet?
- Would you rather we cook a three-course dinner together or build a blanket fort?
- Would you rather spend a whole weekend without phones or a whole weekend without leaving the couch?
- Would you rather always pick the restaurant or always pick the movie?
- Would you rather have our song play at every wedding we go to or never hear it again?
- Would you rather get one surprise date a month or plan one together every week?
- Would you rather live in a tiny cabin in the woods or a tiny apartment downtown?
- Would you rather we learn a new language together or a new sport together?
- Would you rather read each other's diaries from age 15 or each other's texts from last week?
- Would you rather have a pet llama or a pet penguin together?
- Would you rather know exactly what I'm thinking for one day or have me know what you're thinking?
- Would you rather celebrate anniversaries with a big trip or with the same tradition every year?
- Would you rather share every dessert forever or never share food again?
- Would you rather we write each other a letter every year or make one photo album every year?
Four ways to turn it into a game
Asking picks one after another gets old after twenty or so. These formats keep it fresh.
- Count of three. Read the pair, count down, both shout your pick. Match? High five. No match? Each of you gets thirty seconds to convince the other.
- Guess my pick. One of you answers secretly (write it on a napkin or type it on your phone), the other guesses. Great for couples, surprisingly fun on a second date.
- Walking round. On a walk, whoever spots something first (a dog, a red car, a coffee shop) asks the next pair. It keeps the conversation going without staring at each other.
- Bracket. Pick eight foods, movies or vacation spots, then play them off against each other until only one is left. Ideal for a road trip.
Playing this or that over text
This or that is one of the easiest texting games because the answers are short and you always get something to reply to. Send one pair per message, add your own pick so it doesn't feel like a survey and let them send the next one.
Quick game: this or that. I'll start. Tacos or burgers? (I'm team tacos, no regrets)
Okay, travel edition. Road trip or flight? Camping or hotel? Pack light or pack for every possible scenario? Go.
Last one for tonight: slow dance or dance party? Asking for, uh, future planning reasons.
If the game turns into a real conversation, let it. That's the goal. And if you're texting someone you'd like to see in person, here's how to ask someone out over text.
What the answers actually tell you
Don't read too much into a single pick. Nobody is incompatible because one likes waffles and the other pancakes. But patterns are interesting: someone who picks “itinerary”, “grocery list” and “always ten minutes early” is probably a planner, and that's worth knowing. Someone who picks “dance party”, “haunted house” and “spontaneous trip” might be up for something adventurous on date two.
The best part is the follow-up. When an answer surprises you, ask about it. When an answer matches yours, say so. And if you'd like to go deeper after a round of quick picks, our deep questions to ask pick up where this list stops.
Use your picks for the next invite
If you've played a round or two, you already know a bunch of their picks. That makes a fun next step: a small quiz about you, sent as a link, before the actual question “Want to go out again?”. They guess whether you're team tacos or team burgers, and at the end they pick a day for the next date. For more question lists and first date guides, browse our dating advice.
psst … this makes it easier
Turn your idea into an invite
- Scratch card, spin the wheel, quiz or secret code
- Your date picks the day and the food right away
- Free, no account, sent as a link
Frequently asked questions
What are good this or that questions for a date?
Good ones are quick, a little surprising and have no wrong answer, for example “Diner or food truck?”, “Arcade or bowling alley?” or “Road trip playlist or podcast?”. They work best when you both answer and then explain your pick. Start with easy ones and save the romantic picks for later in the evening.
How do you play this or that on a date?
One person reads out two options and you both say your pick, ideally at the same time on the count of three. Then each of you gets one sentence to explain. Take turns reading, and allow a pass if a question feels too personal. That's all the rules you need.
What are good would you rather questions for couples?
For couples, the best ones touch your shared life: “Would you rather have a perfectly clean home or a perfectly stocked fridge?” or “Would you rather relive our first date or skip ahead to a trip we haven't taken yet?”. They're playful but often reveal what each of you values. Keep it light and don't turn any answer into a debate.
Can you play this or that over text?
Yes, it's one of the easiest texting games. Send one pair per message, answer it yourself in the same text and let them send one back. A themed round (only food, only travel) keeps it from feeling random.
What's the difference between this or that and would you rather?
This or that is quick: two everyday options, one pick, a short reason. Would you rather questions are hypothetical and often a bit absurd, so the answers take longer and the conversation goes in unexpected directions. Mixing both keeps the rhythm interesting.